WHAT IF A CHILD TELLS ME HE/SHE IS BEING ABUSED?

Shock…fear…anger…disbelief…sickened…guilt.

Every emotion may overwhelm you, but all of that is irrelevant. Your first priority is to help this child who has trusted you enough to tell you what has happened. Here are some ways to do that:

Take a deep breath to calm yourself. Try to remain calm. Yes, your feelings are honest and normal, but a strong reaction may cause the child to feel guilty, ashamed or fearful. The child may interpret your anger or disgust at the perpetrator as anger or disgust at them.

Believe what the child is telling you. Children, especially young children, usually do not lie or make up stories about sexual abuse. Let the child tell the story about what happened in her or his own words. Expect that the story may not be complete and that more details will come out as time goes by. Sometimes a child will initially deny that a particular act occurred, out of fear of upsetting you or embarrassment, but later, when they feel reassured that is it safe to tell you, acknowledge that it did happen.

Reassure the child that it was good that they told you. Say things like, “you were right to tell me…,” I’m so sorry that this happened to you…,” It’s not your fault…,” “You didn’t do anything wrong…,” I’m so glad you told me…,” “I promise to help you…”

Be honest with the child. Let the child know who you will tell and why. Answer any questions honestly. If you don’t know the answer, admit it. Don’t make any promises that you are not sure you will be able to keep. After all, the child has put all their trust in you. You don’t want to break that trust.

If there are injuries, help the child to get medical attention. Medical attention is recommended even if there is not obvious sign of injury. The medical provider can take photographs of obvious injuries to serve as evidence. Any physical evidence such as bloody or semen-stained clothing or bedding should be preserved in a brown paper bag. Even if you can’t see any injuries, this doesn’t mean that the child was not abused.